The Laws of Golf

With spring, comes golf. A wonderful, magical, infuriating addiction for millions of us around the world. If you love golf, and haven’t read Michael Murphy’s “Golf in the Kingdom”, I urge you to give yourself a wonderful treat!

Until then, here are some of Dolly Howard’s “Laws of Golf”

LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.

LAW 5: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

LAW 6: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

LAW 7: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?

LAW 8: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

LAW 9: All drivers, and most putters, are demon-possessed. And, the more expensive the driver, the more insidious is the demon inside!

LAW 10: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

LAW 11: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 12: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until sunset of the same day.

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